[sandbox]

[bringspeopletogether]

Back to Skyhold. Back to work.

Alistair resumes training with the Chargers a few days after his and Cullen's return; the company got back from Halamshiral just before the Basin group showed up, Bull explains, so he was giving them a rest before picking up exercises again. Krem fills Alistair in on all the details as they're exchanging blows. Some of it is just Orlesian Worst Game Ever nonsense, but since it ends with a whole lot of shamefaced nobles with no mercenaries to their names, Alistair's pretty damn pleased.

(Maybe he can get the new mercenaries in on his plan to dress up the training dummies in Orlesian garb. Hmmmmmm.)

Cullen's in a war room meeting by the time Alistair's done. He throws some water on his face and heads for the kitchens -- maybe he can split a small meal with Kieran before Morrigan's return.

Comments

[howtoactfereldan]

Defensive again: "The information was worth the effort."

[bringspeopletogether]

"I know," murmurs Alistair.

[howtoactfereldan]

"We'll need it if Lavellan doesn't come back."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair nods.

He chances another touch: to Cullen's knee this time, palm settling atop his armor.

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen tenses.

"I should -- calibrate the trebuchets. I should have done that this afternoon."

[bringspeopletogether]

"When was the last time you calibrated them?"

(Knowing Cullen, Alistair's money is on a week ago, tops.)

[howtoactfereldan]

"Before the sky opened up again," he shoots back. "It needs doing."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair takes the jab in stride.

"Would you like an extra set of hands, then?"

(He's hoping, after all this, that Cullen will say yes. He's not counting on it.)

[howtoactfereldan]

"I have to do the calculations first."

He sits up and digs the heels of his hands in his eyes -- a fretful motion.

"Then find an engineer. But the calculations come first."

[bringspeopletogether]

When Cullen moves, Alistair lets his hand fall away. No point in suggesting the calculations might be easier, and more accurate, on a night's sleep. Instead:

"After the calculations, then." He holds up both hands, turning them front to back to front again. "Two hands, and not much but time on them."

[howtoactfereldan]

"Kieran?" Cullen starts rummaging through the drawers of the desk.

[bringspeopletogether]

"Has done just fine entertaining himself for most of the day." A wry smile. "And I'd be very surprised if he wasn't asleep by now."

When Alistair woke, after all, the only light in the tower was from the Breach.

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen looks at Alistair, finally, brow furrowed in puzzlement. "Then what did you do all day?"

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair shrugs, a little; the wry smile stays put.

"Pulled myself together," is all he says.

He will very conveniently leave out the part where pulling himself together involved pacing around right under the Breach until (a) he'd half-convinced himself he was still in the Fade and (b) he'd thoroughly convinced himself he'd die within a few days.

[howtoactfereldan]

He flinches, and looks away again.

"I shouldn't have said anything." Soft. Defeated. "I'm sorry."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair shakes his head.

"Look." Not much louder, as he settles his hand on Cullen's knee again. "I'd much rather have my wits about me for whatever's coming. I don't want to die cowering. Just -- " Another half-smile. "Needed a bit of a kick to get there, it turns out. I'm still sorry I put too much on you."

[howtoactfereldan]

For a moment, his eyes are too bright.






"I shouldn't disturb the engineers."

Reluctant.

"I -- it should be easier. Tomorrow. I think."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair nods.

He can't squeeze Cullen's knee, what with all the armor; he settles for giving it another pat.

"Want to go back to our quarters?" he asks. "Or walk a bit? Or we can stay here, if you'd rather."

[howtoactfereldan]

"I should sleep. Get it over with." He doesn't mean it to sound bitter. "So I can put that face back on."

[bringspeopletogether]

"All right."

Alistair raises himself higher so he can press a light kiss to Cullen's forehead.

"Just remember," soft, "you don't have to keep the face on around me, if you need to put it down."

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen lets out a disbelieving harrumph.

He pulls Alistair closer, over along the side of the chair, so he can lean his head against Alistair's middle.

"I keep thinking -- how many more calamities can one man manage to live through?"

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair lets himself be pulled, willingly, and wraps his arms around Cullen once they're both settled.

"If we're lucky," he sighs, "this'll be the last for a while."

(Or forever.)

"It isn't fair. And even if nothing in life is fair, that doesn't change the lack-of-fairness bit at all."

[howtoactfereldan]

A beat.

"I meant more," wry, "that more calamities are inevitable, and the likelihood of living through them is diminishing by the moment."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair huffs a self-deprecating laugh. "There's also that, yes."

One hand finds its way to Cullen's hair; he strokes his thumb along his temple, absently.

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen sighs a little, relaxing under Alistair's hands. He closes his eyes.






"I'm going to guess," softly, "you'd prefer I kept it together around Kieran. That's certainly my own preference."

To be clear: this is what Cullen regards as 'not keeping it together.'