[sandbox]

[bringspeopletogether]

Back to Skyhold. Back to work.

Alistair resumes training with the Chargers a few days after his and Cullen's return; the company got back from Halamshiral just before the Basin group showed up, Bull explains, so he was giving them a rest before picking up exercises again. Krem fills Alistair in on all the details as they're exchanging blows. Some of it is just Orlesian Worst Game Ever nonsense, but since it ends with a whole lot of shamefaced nobles with no mercenaries to their names, Alistair's pretty damn pleased.

(Maybe he can get the new mercenaries in on his plan to dress up the training dummies in Orlesian garb. Hmmmmmm.)

Cullen's in a war room meeting by the time Alistair's done. He throws some water on his face and heads for the kitchens -- maybe he can split a small meal with Kieran before Morrigan's return.

Comments

[howtoactfereldan]

Fine.

He stalks forward and takes a seat in the chair, armor clunking against the wood.




(He hunches over, head low, fingers running through his hair.)

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair folds his arms tight.






"Cullen."

To the cobweb-ridden table.

"I want to help. I know you won't let me. The best help you'll let me offer is keeping out of your way until all this is through. You can't carry me anymore -- that's fine. You shouldn't have to."

A breath.

"But if you really think we're just burdens to each other, then you have to know it goes both ways, and I can carry some of yours."

[howtoactfereldan]

"I went to see Samson because it's the last chance, like as not."

Muffled; he hasn't moved. The words are careful. Deliberate. Gauged.

"You have the luxury of appearing frightened."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair sighs.

As careful as before, he steps back toward Cullen. Kneels in front of his chair.

Stays quiet.

[howtoactfereldan]

Defensive again: "The information was worth the effort."

[bringspeopletogether]

"I know," murmurs Alistair.

[howtoactfereldan]

"We'll need it if Lavellan doesn't come back."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair nods.

He chances another touch: to Cullen's knee this time, palm settling atop his armor.

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen tenses.

"I should -- calibrate the trebuchets. I should have done that this afternoon."

[bringspeopletogether]

"When was the last time you calibrated them?"

(Knowing Cullen, Alistair's money is on a week ago, tops.)

[howtoactfereldan]

"Before the sky opened up again," he shoots back. "It needs doing."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair takes the jab in stride.

"Would you like an extra set of hands, then?"

(He's hoping, after all this, that Cullen will say yes. He's not counting on it.)

[howtoactfereldan]

"I have to do the calculations first."

He sits up and digs the heels of his hands in his eyes -- a fretful motion.

"Then find an engineer. But the calculations come first."

[bringspeopletogether]

When Cullen moves, Alistair lets his hand fall away. No point in suggesting the calculations might be easier, and more accurate, on a night's sleep. Instead:

"After the calculations, then." He holds up both hands, turning them front to back to front again. "Two hands, and not much but time on them."

[howtoactfereldan]

"Kieran?" Cullen starts rummaging through the drawers of the desk.

[bringspeopletogether]

"Has done just fine entertaining himself for most of the day." A wry smile. "And I'd be very surprised if he wasn't asleep by now."

When Alistair woke, after all, the only light in the tower was from the Breach.

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen looks at Alistair, finally, brow furrowed in puzzlement. "Then what did you do all day?"

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair shrugs, a little; the wry smile stays put.

"Pulled myself together," is all he says.

He will very conveniently leave out the part where pulling himself together involved pacing around right under the Breach until (a) he'd half-convinced himself he was still in the Fade and (b) he'd thoroughly convinced himself he'd die within a few days.

[howtoactfereldan]

He flinches, and looks away again.

"I shouldn't have said anything." Soft. Defeated. "I'm sorry."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair shakes his head.

"Look." Not much louder, as he settles his hand on Cullen's knee again. "I'd much rather have my wits about me for whatever's coming. I don't want to die cowering. Just -- " Another half-smile. "Needed a bit of a kick to get there, it turns out. I'm still sorry I put too much on you."

[howtoactfereldan]

For a moment, his eyes are too bright.






"I shouldn't disturb the engineers."

Reluctant.

"I -- it should be easier. Tomorrow. I think."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair nods.

He can't squeeze Cullen's knee, what with all the armor; he settles for giving it another pat.

"Want to go back to our quarters?" he asks. "Or walk a bit? Or we can stay here, if you'd rather."

[howtoactfereldan]

"I should sleep. Get it over with." He doesn't mean it to sound bitter. "So I can put that face back on."

[bringspeopletogether]

"All right."

Alistair raises himself higher so he can press a light kiss to Cullen's forehead.

"Just remember," soft, "you don't have to keep the face on around me, if you need to put it down."

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen lets out a disbelieving harrumph.

He pulls Alistair closer, over along the side of the chair, so he can lean his head against Alistair's middle.

"I keep thinking -- how many more calamities can one man manage to live through?"