[sandbox]

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair surprises himself: he adapts to the Basin a lot quicker than he expected.

The camps feel -- snug, he decides. In a good way. Trees overhead, a limited number of egress points, a vantage point so high it puts every night by the ladder to shame: they're not the stone walls of Skyhold, but maybe they're the next best thing. After an initial restless night or two, he sleeps soundly.

(Knowing he's surrounded by lots of people with sharp, pointy weapons? Also helpful.)

Joining the patrol rotations seems like a decent next step. No point in being in the field, especially after all that training with Bull, if he's just going to twiddle his thumbs all day.

Comments

[howtoactfereldan]

Do you, though? Cullen doesn't say.

They've had that conversation: as long as Corypheus exists, Cullen cannot and will not put Alistair before the needs of the Inquisition.





"I'll give you all I can, Alistair."

It comes out tired.

"I'm sorry. For those times I fall short. We should assume I'll continue falling short until we return to Skyhold, if not longer."

[bringspeopletogether]

"I know," he says again: gentler, this time. He squeezes Cullen's waist. "It's not a vacation. I...suppose it feels like one, occasionally, because I've been stuck at Skyhold so long. It's more fun being out in the field again."

A bird-shaped shadow circles near the lake; rockets downward; flaps skyward again, a fish wriggling in its talons. Alistair watches the ripples of its brief landing extend through the water.

"But you're here to work. And I'd much rather see you briefly than not at all." Soft, "It's all right."

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen closes his eyes.








"If you feel stuck at Skyhold," he says, no louder, "then we have a larger problem."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair's brow furrows.

He lifts his head, turning his full attention to Cullen.

[howtoactfereldan]

"It's not a demand, that you stay. It's not an order."

He's speaking to the water.

"You're free to go. If that's what you want."

[bringspeopletogether]

"It's not."

Immediately.

"Not unless you're with me."

[howtoactfereldan]

And that's the problem.

"You know that's not going to happen for a long time." Still calm. "If your thoughts on the matter change... we ought to discuss it."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair shakes his head. His stomach's begun doing unpleasant flips again.







"Do you want me gone?"

Barely audible.

[howtoactfereldan]

"No." Swift. Alarmed. "No. Never. I don't -- want you to feel --trapped. Or obligated. That's what it's about."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair exhales, a touch shaky. Lets his eyes fall closed.

Once he's sure his voice will remain steady: "Do you remember what I said when all this started? That I'd already begun to think that wherever I went, after the war's end, you'd be there, too?"

Unconsciously, he's pressed himself closer to Cullen's side.

"I can wait for that. I'm not staying out of obligation. I'm not trapped. I stay because I want to stay with you."

[howtoactfereldan]

Voice husky:

"I shan't question your devotion, then. Only your taste."

[bringspeopletogether]

A tiny snort.

"I can still recognize a hideous Orlesian hat when I see it. My taste is fine."

[howtoactfereldan]

"Says the man who won't admit front-combing is terrible," Cullen mutters. His heart's not really in it.

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair notices.

It's why he doesn't try to keep the banter going; just stays close, and keeps his arm around Cullen, as the sky continues deepening toward black.

[howtoactfereldan]

There's metal in the way. He can't very well do anything else, outside the palisade, in the eyes of the Inquisition. They're in a hostile environment; armor stays on.

But he's tired.

Cullen rubs his free hand over his eyes, and lets it drop, heavy.

"I can ask Harding to hold any further reports until first light." He shouldn't sound defeated. "Will that do?"

[bringspeopletogether]

There's a particular squirmy feeling that comes with an argument won unfairly; Alistair's tamping down on it now, trying not to fidget.

"If you need to work more tonight," he says, "then work. I meant it when I said that's all right." Another small squeeze. "All I ask is you get enough rest and food."

[howtoactfereldan]

I'm not a child, he almost snaps.

Almost.

But instead Cullen nods. "Right." Quiet.

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair lapses back into silence.

I'm sorry, he wants to say again. I'm sorry I get in the way. I'm sorry I fuss. I'm sorry I'm too much, or not enough, or if you think it was a mistake to bring me here --

He swallows down the words -- and the lump in his throat -- and breathes.

(He's trying to remind himself: if the little voice in the back of his head sounds like Goldanna, it's talking nonsense and should be ignored.

It scares him, though, every time a conversation with Cullen deadlocks into tense silence.)

[howtoactfereldan]

When they devolve into silence, Cullen's generally working hard to keep his temper in check. Now is certainly no exception.

He makes himself breathe, deep and even. He recites the first chunk of the Chant in his head. He pictures his frustration calcified into bone, crushed into dust, blown away by the wind.









"I don't think I clarified well enough," he says, after a long moment. "The point is -- we can do whatever we like in that tent, as long as it's very quiet."

There: the beginnings of a smirk.

"Experience suggests that's its own kind of fun."

[bringspeopletogether]

Slowly, Alistair begins to smile.

"I certainly had a nice time, last we tried it," he says, as serene as he can manage.

[howtoactfereldan]

"You also did a very bad job at being quiet." Stifling a laugh. "Surprise of the year."

[bringspeopletogether]

"Which obviously means I need to practice more."

He turns to face Cullen, sliding his other arm around him as well.

"If you're willing to be of assistance, ser."

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen mirrors him. "The stakes are high," he warns, lightly. "Should you make too much noise, I'll be forced to stop whatever I'm doing immediately."

[bringspeopletogether]

"Ooooh."

Alistair pulls an exaggerated wince.

"A hard bargain. I'll really have to stay on my best behavior."

[howtoactfereldan]

"I have faith in you." A crooked smile. "Especially when you're presented with some decent incentive."