[sandbox]

[bringspeopletogether]

Back to Skyhold. Back to work.

Alistair resumes training with the Chargers a few days after his and Cullen's return; the company got back from Halamshiral just before the Basin group showed up, Bull explains, so he was giving them a rest before picking up exercises again. Krem fills Alistair in on all the details as they're exchanging blows. Some of it is just Orlesian Worst Game Ever nonsense, but since it ends with a whole lot of shamefaced nobles with no mercenaries to their names, Alistair's pretty damn pleased.

(Maybe he can get the new mercenaries in on his plan to dress up the training dummies in Orlesian garb. Hmmmmmm.)

Cullen's in a war room meeting by the time Alistair's done. He throws some water on his face and heads for the kitchens -- maybe he can split a small meal with Kieran before Morrigan's return.

Comments

[howtoactfereldan]

"And Bull respects expertise."

Cullen isn't currently chewing something, so he leans in and touches his lips to Alistair's temple, lingering.

"Nothing's likely to happen today. It's business as usual. Just... picture the dragon turning into a very large frog, all right?"

[bringspeopletogether]

That pulls a soft laugh out of him. "All right," he agrees.

He wraps his hands more snugly around the mug.

More hesitant, "I'll -- try not to hover while you're working. You've enough to take care of already."

[howtoactfereldan]

"I'm not likely to be at my desk today." Faintly apologetic. "Which is good news, I suppose."

[bringspeopletogether]

"Better for your constitution than being cooped up all day." He smiles, crookedly, trying to put some feeling into it. "Will you need anything once you're back?"

[howtoactfereldan]

"...peace and quiet?"

He gently ruffles Alistair's hair.

[bringspeopletogether]

Another quiet laugh. "Definitely business as usual, then," he says. "All right. Peace and quiet are yours."

[howtoactfereldan]

They'll see about that. Cullen has it in mind to do something... inadvisable.

He'll need to talk to Dagna first. Still.

"And you? After you visit Leliana?"

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair shrugs, gaze sliding down to his tea.

"Whatever Kieran wants to do, I expect," he says, low. "Broken up by moments where I sneak away to have a quiet panic or five."

[howtoactfereldan]

"He might enjoy a chat with Dagna."

Hopefully it won't break up Dagna's day too much. Then again, it's not like most people are going to get any meaningful work done.

"She's certainly got enough to say about runecraft -- he might find some of it interesting. And consider he might also want some time to himself."

Cullen rubs a thumb into some of the tighter muscles near Alistair's neck. "What can I do that will help the panic?"

[bringspeopletogether]

"I don't know." He closes his eyes, trying to relax into the touch. "It's the light. Can't avoid that. Makes it feel like everything's -- crumbling."

A humorless smile.

"Like whatever demon got me finally got bored enough to let me go."

[howtoactfereldan]

"Mm."

He's quiet for a moment.

"You know that little library in the cellars? Spend some time there today, if you can?"

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair nods.

"...I'll bring along a few dusting rags."

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen laughs quietly. "A solid strategy, Theirin."

[bringspeopletogether]

"At least I have enough of my wits about me for that."

He's starting to smile again, very small.

[howtoactfereldan]

"You do," he agrees, running his fingers through the hair at the base of Alistair's neck.

"It might be beneficial to tell him you'd rather not be around outside light. He knows what happened. He's been there himself."

[bringspeopletogether]

"I don't want him to worry about me on top of everything else."

Quiet, as he presses closer.

[howtoactfereldan]

"...he already is." No louder. "He cares about you, Alistair."

[bringspeopletogether]

His mouth twists a little.

"I don't want him to worry more," he amends.

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen exhales.

Do it for my sake, he doesn't say. I can't be your only support when I've got the whole of the Inquisition to worry about.

"Do you think," he asks carefully, "he'll worry more if you acknowledge what's going on, or if you pretend everything's fine when it's clearly not?"

I need you to share this burden, he doesn't say, because I can't take it alone.

[bringspeopletogether]

"He's a child, Cullen."

Still quiet.

"And he's my son. And he's been through too much already without his father having a nervous breakdown alll over him."

[howtoactfereldan]

Well.

Cullen could continue fencing. But if the fight against Corypheus goes poorly, not like it'll matter anyhow.

"I won't argue," he says, standing. "But if you think he hasn't noticed, you're underestimating him. And there's a difference between stating a fact and having a nervous breakdown. And I have to go."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair looks up, brow furrowing.

I said something wrong, he thinks, bleaker than he expects. Well. Also business as usual, then.

"All right." Barely audible, now. "I'll see you tonight."

[howtoactfereldan]

"I need you to be willing to fight for yourself."

He hasn't moved yet. And he's not looking at Alistair.

"I can't do it right now. I'm spread too thin."

[bringspeopletogether]

Oh.

Oh, damn it all.

"Cullen -- " He sets his tea aside and gets to his feet. It feels like a phalanx closing ranks around the raw nerves he'd exposed: pull yourself together. "I am. I will. I'll -- fight harder."

He exhales, raking a hand through his hair.

"I don't want you running yourself into the ground on my behalf. I'm sorry. You've more than enough to deal with already, too."

[howtoactfereldan]

You've noticed? he nearly snaps.

Cullen realizes, absently, that he's furious. That's good. As long as he can convert that into fuel, that's good.

"I'm not asking you to be fine."

Still calm. But he's not looking at Alistair.

"I'm asking you to think about what you need to keep functioning, and then do it. You're a soldier. I know you know how to do it."