[sandbox]

[bringspeopletogether]

Skyhold gets quieter and quieter as the days move on. It's not a complete stand-down; there's cleanup to do, stragglers to round up, the same sort of business Alistair remembers from the months after the Blight. The Thaw, as Wardens call it. Thedas is thawing again, but the fortress only grows colder for it.

He won't lie: he'd feel warmer if Kieran and Morrigan were still there.

When Cullen suggests a vacation, Alistair lights up, only to deflate slightly when he realizes they'll be "vacationing" in Orlais. There's business to attend in Val Royeaux -- not the sort of business that'll keep Cullen occupied from sunup to sundown, but enough to require an in-person visit for a week or so. On the one hand: Orlais. On the other: he can't argue that time away from Skyhold, especially in Cullen's company, will help.

...So will the cheese, probably.

(Look, as Alistair has said many a time, he is a very predictable man.)

They room at a small place in the university quarter that's downright plain for Val Royeaux. Libraries for Cullen, a cafe around the corner for both of them, limited contact with people trilling about whatever stupid, petty scandal's hit the court this week -- it could be far worse. Alistair takes to writing his letters at the cafe, usually accompanied by some flaky pastry or another.

Today, they're cheese-filled. It's hard to descend too far into a personal funk when you've got a cheese-filled pastry.

Comments

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen pauses , giving Alistair his full attention.

A little hesitant: "I was going to wash in the bedroom. You should... I don't want to be in your way."

[bringspeopletogether]

Ah.

"All right." A little softer. "That's fine."

You wouldn't be in the way, he wants to say, but...Cullen may need a moment to himself. It wouldn't surprise him.

Without taking his eyes from Cullen, he catches his hand again, kisses his knuckles. "I'll see you soon, then."

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen nods, gaze sliding away uncomfortably. Forced lightness: "Shout if you need anything."

[bringspeopletogether]

"I will."

He tries for another smile.

"Love you."

[howtoactfereldan]

With the linens in one hand, Cullen pauses.

He doesn't smile, but his expression lightens, and he rests his palm against Alistair's cheek for just a moment. Don't worry, he's trying to say.

Then he's on his way out the door, tossing over his shoulder, "You'll love me more when we have clean sheets."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair's laughter follows him out.

Right. To business, then: Alistair dunks himself the rest of the way underwater, surfaces, and gives his hair a vigorous scrub. He luxuriates for a few moments longer before reaching for the soap.

(They managed to find one of the less-flowery soaps when they first arrived. At least Alistair won't reek of lavender, too.)

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen strips the bed with the inborn efficiency of someone accustomed to ascetic military life. The new linens get sharp corners, precisely angled. While he's at it, he thinks, he might as well do it up the rest of the way: blanket and coverlet follow.

He washes in a manner that is quick, rough, and impersonal. Like he doesn't dare think about that or anything else. He tells himself he's just tired and, wrapping himself in the loose linen robe hanging in the armoir, settles on the bed, on his side. He can catnap until Alistair is done.

[bringspeopletogether]

Twenty minutes later, give or take, Alistair emerges from the washroom with a towel around his waist.

He takes in the sight: the crisply-made bed, Cullen dozing atop the quilt. Letting the towel fall, Alistair settles next to him without bothering to fetch a robe of his own.

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen lets out a drowsy, interrogative mm? and shifts his head enough to eye Alistair over his shoulder.

[bringspeopletogether]

"Nothing," he murmurs. He drapes an arm around Cullen's waist. "I'm clean. Go back to sleep."

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen hunches his shoulders. "'S all right. I'm awake."

[bringspeopletogether]

"...All right."

His brow knits, a little, but he doesn't say anything else.

[howtoactfereldan]

It's fine, he tells himself. Everything's fine.

"What now?"

It's fine.

[bringspeopletogether]

"Nothing." Honestly bewildered.

Alistair withdraws his arm so he can prop himself on one elbow. "Is everything all right?"

[howtoactfereldan]

It's fine, he almost says. The words stick in his throat.

You should trust him, a voice chides him, gently. It sounds like Cassandra. Be honest with him.

"I don't know," he manages, after what's very probably too long. "I'm -- " Struggling for words. "Afraid. I don't know why."

[bringspeopletogether]

A soundless ah.

(He's -- more surprised than he'll ever admit, that Cullen isn't brushing him aside with another it's fine)

He pushes himself all the way to sitting, attention on Cullen. Quiet, calm: "Of anything in particular?"

[howtoactfereldan]

"Doing something wrong." The words come out small; Cullen curls up tighter.

[bringspeopletogether]

With care, Alistair reaches out again. Touches his hand to Cullen's shoulder.

"You won't." Quiet, still. "I trust you."

[howtoactfereldan]

"Still afraid," Cullen returns.

[bringspeopletogether]

"I know."

Fears don't often dispel that quickly. There'd be a lot fewer scared people in the world if they did.

(Alistair himself would be among them.)

He stretches out next to Cullen again; settles his hand on Cullen's side. "Would it help if I stayed close?"

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen nods swiftly. Emphatically.

(He doesn't trust himself to speak.)

[bringspeopletogether]

Soft: "All right."

He wraps his arm around Cullen's middle again, unhesitating, and scoots close until he's flush against him.

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen presses closer still.









"Normally when this happens," barely audible, "I can just... go work. Until I've done enough. I don't know what to do."

[bringspeopletogether]

"You stay here with me."

Steady; not much louder.

"You keep breathing. You let me tell you stories, if you'd like." He finds one of Cullen's hands and twines their fingers together. "And if you need to indulge the fear to make it pass faster, you can. I've got you."

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen breathes.

And breathes.

And says, eventually, soft:

"Tell me something good? That I'd like?"