[sandbox]

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair surprises himself: he adapts to the Basin a lot quicker than he expected.

The camps feel -- snug, he decides. In a good way. Trees overhead, a limited number of egress points, a vantage point so high it puts every night by the ladder to shame: they're not the stone walls of Skyhold, but maybe they're the next best thing. After an initial restless night or two, he sleeps soundly.

(Knowing he's surrounded by lots of people with sharp, pointy weapons? Also helpful.)

Joining the patrol rotations seems like a decent next step. No point in being in the field, especially after all that training with Bull, if he's just going to twiddle his thumbs all day.

Comments

[howtoactfereldan]

"I appreciate it." Not joking. "Things loosen a little at night, as I'm sure you remember. You and I are both visibly working during the day, so that's fine. And as I said once -- secrecy and privacy are two different things. We're not a secret. But -- "

His mouth has tightened. His voice is darker.

(He's thinking about Halamshiral, and very carefully not thinking about other things.)

" -- I won't put on a show for the camp. Any kind of show. Four eavesdroppers, you said?"

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair's mouth twists at the note to Cullen's voice. (So does his stomach, a little.)

"Yes." Reluctant. "Still hoping that one man just really likes whistling."

[howtoactfereldan]

"Three, then."

He lifts his head long enough to kiss Alistair's temple. The moon is waxing -- a few more days until full, he notes absently. A good time for an expedition into the Basin.

Quieter: "You have my love regardless of anyone's need for gossip."

[bringspeopletogether]

He breathes out another small laugh. "That's good to hear."

His arm tightens a fraction around Cullen.

"Still -- I'm sorry. For the discomfort. I like knowing you're close, and I know I...cling, sometimes. But I don't ever want to make things more difficult for you."

[howtoactfereldan]

"You'd have an easier time of it if you'd landed on someone with less responsibility." That's just a little dry. "But since you didn't... we must find some sort of balance. One that's different than what we've got at Skyhold. Or other places that have the benefit of real walls."

Beat.

"Of course," Cullen says, thoughtful, "you could throw me over for Kenric. Or Colette, if you'd prefer."

[bringspeopletogether]

That spurs a more fully-formed laugh out of him. "Never. You've seen Kenric's hat. I'd spend too much time trying to snatch it off his head and burn it. And I like you far better than Colette."

[howtoactfereldan]

"Given your training, and his training, burning his hat shouldn't take too long." Cheerful. "Shall I do another introduction before my next round of reports? It's on the way."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair wrinkles his nose. "No more work tonight. You already snuck in another batch of reports while I was getting dinner."

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen... raises his eyebrows.

But he says, mildly (maybe too mildly), "If I need to work, Alistair, I'm going to work."

[bringspeopletogether]

Which is a quick way to wipe the teasing, affectionate look off Alistair's face. He returns his head to Cullen's shoulder, gaze landing on the lake.

Eventually, lower: "I know."

A man can dream, he almost says, but stops himself in time: the last thing he wants is for Cullen to take it the wrong way. (He's caused Cullen enough discomfort already.)

[howtoactfereldan]

Do you, though? Cullen doesn't say.

They've had that conversation: as long as Corypheus exists, Cullen cannot and will not put Alistair before the needs of the Inquisition.





"I'll give you all I can, Alistair."

It comes out tired.

"I'm sorry. For those times I fall short. We should assume I'll continue falling short until we return to Skyhold, if not longer."

[bringspeopletogether]

"I know," he says again: gentler, this time. He squeezes Cullen's waist. "It's not a vacation. I...suppose it feels like one, occasionally, because I've been stuck at Skyhold so long. It's more fun being out in the field again."

A bird-shaped shadow circles near the lake; rockets downward; flaps skyward again, a fish wriggling in its talons. Alistair watches the ripples of its brief landing extend through the water.

"But you're here to work. And I'd much rather see you briefly than not at all." Soft, "It's all right."

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen closes his eyes.








"If you feel stuck at Skyhold," he says, no louder, "then we have a larger problem."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair's brow furrows.

He lifts his head, turning his full attention to Cullen.

[howtoactfereldan]

"It's not a demand, that you stay. It's not an order."

He's speaking to the water.

"You're free to go. If that's what you want."

[bringspeopletogether]

"It's not."

Immediately.

"Not unless you're with me."

[howtoactfereldan]

And that's the problem.

"You know that's not going to happen for a long time." Still calm. "If your thoughts on the matter change... we ought to discuss it."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair shakes his head. His stomach's begun doing unpleasant flips again.







"Do you want me gone?"

Barely audible.

[howtoactfereldan]

"No." Swift. Alarmed. "No. Never. I don't -- want you to feel --trapped. Or obligated. That's what it's about."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair exhales, a touch shaky. Lets his eyes fall closed.

Once he's sure his voice will remain steady: "Do you remember what I said when all this started? That I'd already begun to think that wherever I went, after the war's end, you'd be there, too?"

Unconsciously, he's pressed himself closer to Cullen's side.

"I can wait for that. I'm not staying out of obligation. I'm not trapped. I stay because I want to stay with you."

[howtoactfereldan]

Voice husky:

"I shan't question your devotion, then. Only your taste."

[bringspeopletogether]

A tiny snort.

"I can still recognize a hideous Orlesian hat when I see it. My taste is fine."

[howtoactfereldan]

"Says the man who won't admit front-combing is terrible," Cullen mutters. His heart's not really in it.

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair notices.

It's why he doesn't try to keep the banter going; just stays close, and keeps his arm around Cullen, as the sky continues deepening toward black.

[howtoactfereldan]

There's metal in the way. He can't very well do anything else, outside the palisade, in the eyes of the Inquisition. They're in a hostile environment; armor stays on.

But he's tired.

Cullen rubs his free hand over his eyes, and lets it drop, heavy.

"I can ask Harding to hold any further reports until first light." He shouldn't sound defeated. "Will that do?"