[sandbox]

[bringspeopletogether]

Skyhold gets quieter and quieter as the days move on. It's not a complete stand-down; there's cleanup to do, stragglers to round up, the same sort of business Alistair remembers from the months after the Blight. The Thaw, as Wardens call it. Thedas is thawing again, but the fortress only grows colder for it.

He won't lie: he'd feel warmer if Kieran and Morrigan were still there.

When Cullen suggests a vacation, Alistair lights up, only to deflate slightly when he realizes they'll be "vacationing" in Orlais. There's business to attend in Val Royeaux -- not the sort of business that'll keep Cullen occupied from sunup to sundown, but enough to require an in-person visit for a week or so. On the one hand: Orlais. On the other: he can't argue that time away from Skyhold, especially in Cullen's company, will help.

...So will the cheese, probably.

(Look, as Alistair has said many a time, he is a very predictable man.)

They room at a small place in the university quarter that's downright plain for Val Royeaux. Libraries for Cullen, a cafe around the corner for both of them, limited contact with people trilling about whatever stupid, petty scandal's hit the court this week -- it could be far worse. Alistair takes to writing his letters at the cafe, usually accompanied by some flaky pastry or another.

Today, they're cheese-filled. It's hard to descend too far into a personal funk when you've got a cheese-filled pastry.

Comments

[bringspeopletogether]

"You need more support from me."

It isn't a question.

[howtoactfereldan]

No, but it ought to be.

"I need you to be able to rely on yourself." A little steelier. "Not the same thing, Alistair."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair resists the urge to hunch inward.

(Cullen isn't saying anything Alistair doesn't already know, after all.)

"All right."

[howtoactfereldan]

"I think I'd like to return to Skyhold tomorrow."

[bringspeopletogether]

The cold, sick lump congeals in Alistair's stomach again. He closes his eyes.

Small: "By yourself?"

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen's head shoots up; he blinks.

"Not what I'd had in mind, but if you want to stay here..."

[bringspeopletogether]

"No." Swiftly. "Maker, no."

His relief shakes loose a wobbly huff of laughter.

"It's Orlais, who'd want to stay here?"

[howtoactfereldan]

"People who like cheese?" Only a little dry.

[bringspeopletogether]

He quirks a tiny smile.

"I can get cheese shipped to Skyhold."

[howtoactfereldan]

"Well." Back to the table. "I just thought... I don't think we'll gain anything by staying. Not as soon as you get your cheese ordered, anyhow."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair nods.

A little quieter, he says, "Whatever happens to Rainier's out of our hands. No use hanging about in a tiny house waiting for more news. The ravens will reach Skyhold just fine."

[howtoactfereldan]

"And if you don't like what happens to Rainier?"

[bringspeopletogether]

"Then I'll deal with it."

He said his piece to Lavellan, albeit with no delicacy whatsoever. There's nothing more to be done.

Alistair rubs a hand over his hair. Half-muttered to his tea, "Anyway, it's not as if I'm on speaking terms with Weisshaupt anyway."

[howtoactfereldan]

"You're not sharing an isolated fortress with Weisshaupt." Softly.

[bringspeopletogether]

"If Lavellan does decide to give him to the Wardens, then I won't be sharing that fortress with Rainier for long, either."

[howtoactfereldan]

"And Lavellan?"




"And me?"

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair sighs, very soft.

Carefully -- giving Cullen time to pull away if he so chooses -- he reaches for one of Cullen's hands.

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen doesn't pull away.

"The next time I tell you how bad things were in Kirkwall," he says, even lower, "would you do me the courtesy of believing me? Or at least acting like it?"

[bringspeopletogether]

"Yes."

No louder.

[howtoactfereldan]

Slowly, his fingers curl around Alistair's.

(Just because Cullen knows what choice he'd make, every time, between Alistair's wants and his own integrity -- it doesn't make him unafraid of the cost.)

[bringspeopletogether]

"I don't agree with everything Lavellan's done." Still quiet. "Or will do. Or might do. But if I didn't think she was doing as much good as possible, I wouldn't've joined the Inquisition -- or wanted to stay."

He squeezes Cullen's hand.

"The same goes for this. And you."

[howtoactfereldan]

After a moment Cullen nods a little.

"I've said it before." It's less steady than he'd like. "I don't want you to feel -- trapped. In this life. I'll -- try to remind myself it's a... choice you're making. And not, not just a bad habit."

[bringspeopletogether]

"I'll remind you as often as you need."

He lifts Cullen's hand so he can kiss his knuckles.

"I love you."

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen lets out a shaky breath, and covers Alistair's hand with his free one. "I love you. I was -- frightened."

[bringspeopletogether]

A wobbly smile.

"So was I," he admits.