[sandbox]

[bringspeopletogether]

No Orlesian nobles pounded down their door to demand their hound back, so when Alistair and Cullen left Halamshiral, the newly-dubbed Gruyere happily trotted alongside their horses.

A few weeks after -- which included some quiet conversation, a few orders placed with a few merchants, and almost an entire extra pack of gifts slung over one of their mounts -- Gru just as happily trotted along as they turned for South Reach.

Years of correspondence led Alistair to build an elaborate image of Cullen's family in his mind; Mia, perhaps, more fully realized than the others, but everyone with a name and a voice to match their letters. They're...not wholly inaccurate? But Mia's definitely shorter than he expected, and one or two of the children a little louder.

(Mia's voice, however, adopts exactly the pitch he imagined it would when Alistair brings up the whole I'm-your-brother-in-law-now thing.)

It's a nice place. Just the right kind of rambunctious, with all the kids running around; just the right kind of homey.

If only Cullen weren't -- well, reacting more or less precisely how Alistair worried he'd react to the reunion.

Comments

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair exhales an aching breath.

"I don't blame you," he murmurs. "But -- I hope you know that isn't true, either."

Thump, thump, goes Cullen's heart beneath his cheek.

"I'm so sorry I ever made you feel that way."

[howtoactfereldan]

"You didn't make me," Cullen mumbles. "I'm allowed to be worried about things on my own recognizance."

[bringspeopletogether]

The corner of Alistair's mouth quirks up.

"I suppose you're right," he agrees, no louder.

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen snorts, half-hearted, and doesn't reply.

[bringspeopletogether]

"I always worry I'm too much for you," says Alistair after a long moment.

(His turn to be glad they're not looking at each other.)

"So...we're sort of even there. Kind of."

[howtoactfereldan]

"You're not, you know."

He traces an absent line up and down Alistair's back.

"I know what's too much for me. When I need a moment... it's so I can control myself. It's because of what's wrong with me."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair nods.

"I know." Quiet. "I still think -- "

He breaks off in a self-deprecating chuckle.

"Rather bigheaded of me, I know. But I feel if I could just be -- a little less, then you wouldn't need to take a moment as often as you do."

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen huffs again. "Hardly. If you were any less, I'd be incredibly bored."

[bringspeopletogether]

"But think of all the peace and quiet you'd have."

His smile is audible.

[howtoactfereldan]

"And I'd be too paranoid to enjoy any of it. Wondering when the noise was coming."

[bringspeopletogether]

"I could set up a little bell to ring every five minutes." Half-laughing, now. "A nice predictable bit of noise at regular intervals."

[howtoactfereldan]

"No."

He gently tugs at Alistair's hair.

"I'm very particular about this."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair's smile warms. "Well, in that case..."

He snuggles closer.

"I suppose I can oblige your particularities."

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen's mouth quirks.

For just a moment, he's silent. Then, more serious: "Would you consider obliging another?"

[bringspeopletogether]

"Of course."

He tilts his head enough to look up at Cullen.

[howtoactfereldan]

Well. Cullen isn't looking at him.

"Don't -- if you're going to insist on compliments. Not bravery. Not integrity." He makes himself take a breath. "You know I don't believe it. And when you bring it up -- I hear that your -- regard for me is built on lies and deception."

Not entirely even.

"And then... I need a moment."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair's heart cracks. He lowers his head back to Cullen's chest; tightens his embrace.

He wants to argue the point: that it is true, that Cullen is one of the best men he's ever known, that he's not the only one who thinks it (just look at how the Inquisition held him in such high regard). But that's the exact opposite of what Cullen's asking of him, and to do it would be a terrible cruelty.

(If there were just some way to ease his words around Cullen's self-loathing without bungling everything up --

But if Alistair hasn't managed it in three years, he won't manage it now.)




"All right," he whispers.

[howtoactfereldan]

"So then -- "

Trying to rally; doing a terrible job.

"You won't need to -- you shouldn't feel like being less. Because then I won't need to step away."

[bringspeopletogether]

At the expense of Cullen feeling like less, is what Alistair hears.

He nods, a little, hoping it isn't as helpless as he feels. He hears the attempt to rally; does his best to mirror it. "Complimenting your arse is still all right though, yes?"

[howtoactfereldan]

A small, near-soundless laugh. "Preferred, even. At least that I could believe."

[bringspeopletogether]

"Oh good."

He shapes a crooked smile.

"I'd be very sad if its magnificence had to go unheralded for the rest of time."

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen pats his back. "A good start, Theirin."

He might mumble this into Alistair's hair.

[bringspeopletogether]

Cullen knows Alistair isn't just using him for sex. That -- may be the best he can hope for, if he can only compliment Cullen's physical attributes for a while.

(Hopefully not for the rest of their marriage. Hopefully. Though some of that may depend on what Fiona says, if Alistair can ever finish the damn letter: whether their marriage will last only another two or three years, or for at least another twenty or thirty.)

"Only the best for you, my love," he says, before pressing a kiss to Cullen's exposed collarbone.

[howtoactfereldan]

(Cullen is assuming six months. Or less. Another reason he needs to take a moment: when Alistair says something about always.)

He sighs a little, arching his neck. "'S nice to be appreciated."

[bringspeopletogether]

"...I am not going to say anything lewd like 'I'll appreciate you all night long.'"

Grinning against Cullen's neck.

"But I'm thinking it."