[sandbox]

[bringspeopletogether]

Back to Skyhold. Back to work.

Alistair resumes training with the Chargers a few days after his and Cullen's return; the company got back from Halamshiral just before the Basin group showed up, Bull explains, so he was giving them a rest before picking up exercises again. Krem fills Alistair in on all the details as they're exchanging blows. Some of it is just Orlesian Worst Game Ever nonsense, but since it ends with a whole lot of shamefaced nobles with no mercenaries to their names, Alistair's pretty damn pleased.

(Maybe he can get the new mercenaries in on his plan to dress up the training dummies in Orlesian garb. Hmmmmmm.)

Cullen's in a war room meeting by the time Alistair's done. He throws some water on his face and heads for the kitchens -- maybe he can split a small meal with Kieran before Morrigan's return.

Comments

[howtoactfereldan]

The corner of his mouth curls up for just a moment as he brushes his thumb over Alistair's knuckles.

"Gentlemen," he says, brisk, and walks out the door.

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair's next exhalation lasts a bit longer than he intends. He drags a hand down his face, then turns to Kieran. The boy has his left arm pressed to his side, right hand wrapped around his left elbow, shoulders hunched. It's the same unconscious posture Alistair adopts when he's unsure, and anxious, and trying not to bother anyone.

The knot in his throat tightens. In silence, Alistair settles a hand on Kieran's shoulder and gives it a small squeeze. Kieran looks up.

Very small, his son says, "I don't know what's going to happen."

And the way he says it...it's not like a child railing at his own confusion, or the unfairness of the world. Alistair pauses, then asks, very carefully, "Would you have known? Before...?"

Kieran hitches up his free shoulder, helplessly, as his eyes start to well up.

Not a child railing at the unfairness of the world: one railing against loss, remembering something from scant months ago and fearing he may see its far worse cousin any minute now. Alistair recognizes that, too. He drops to one knee; "Come here," he whispers.

Pretty soon he's got an armful of quietly keening ten-year-old clinging to his shirtfront. He'll follow Cullen's example. He won't say it'll be all right.

But he'll say the next best thing: I'm here. I'm here.

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen takes a moment to slip behind an unused door, to lean against an ancient stone wall and press the heels of his hands against his eyes.

One deep breath in. (A line of the Chant.) One deep breath out, slowly. (Another.) Repeat the process. (Finish the canticle.)

Not twenty minutes later he's down in the courtyard listening to captains barking orders, to rank and file answering as called, to hushed conversations about which squads to combine and which squads to break apart entirely.

Josephine has Fiona's list; he delivers it to Briony, with instructions to ensure that the units that will need mage backup will have it.

He has a hushed conversation with Leliana -- the kind of thing they didn't have time for in Haven. A fact they're both painfully aware of. But once they're done -- Cullen knows the lines of sight Leliana has in the surrounding mountains, and the tentative schedule for the receipt of information, and how to know something is wrong. Leliana knows what Cullen can give for support without diminishing Skyhold's defenses, and knows how best to take advantage of the supply lines into and out of the valley.

No change in the sky.

At the last, when all quarters have been assigned (and Skyhold feels full again, for the first time since they marched for the Arbor Wilds, and Cullen would be lying if he said it didn't lift his spirits), when all rosters are managed, when scribes shake out their wrists and flex their fingers --

Leliana, Josephine, and Cullen meet to discuss what will happen when -- if -- Corypheus kills the Inquisitor.






It's just after midnight when Cullen returns to the tower.

[bringspeopletogether]

Not long after they shuttled a few armloads of Kieran's things to the tower, Alistair and Kieran took a moment to rest on the chaise.

Five minutes later, Kieran tucked his legs up and scooted over to use Alistair's leg for a pillow.

Five minutes after that, exhausted by fear and worry, he fell asleep -- and Alistair didn't have the heart to wake him, even as twilight wound down into full dark and moonlight started to creep across the floor.

So that's where they are when Cullen arrives: still on the chaise, Alistair watching the ceiling as if it'll cave in at any moment, one hand on Kieran's hair. He rouses himself when the door creaks, shaping a wan smile, and lifts his free hand in a silent hello.

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen takes in the scene.

He troubles to walk softly when he crosses to the chaise (leaving the doors unlocked). Quietly he removes his vambraces, his gloves, and puts them on his desk.

Then Cullen takes Alistair's hand and, slowly, leans down to kiss the top of his head: an apology, a declaration, a question.

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair breathes out, shakily, as he clutches Cullen's hand. Hold it together a little longer, he thinks. You can manage that.

Barely audible, so as not to wake Kieran: "How are you?"

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen draws his thumb back and forth over Alistair's hand.

He nods slowly, with a small, warm smile: I'm all right.

Alistair, he is guessing, is not.

[bringspeopletogether]

An accurate assessment. Alistair's holding on to a smile of his own, but only just. If Cullen's all right, and Kieran isn't awake to witness him fall apart, that removes a lot of the motivation to keep it together.

He's still trying, though. He brings Cullen's hand up so he can kiss his knuckles; lingers there, eyes closed, once he's done.

(The light in the tower isn't all moonlight. The Breach is bright enough to cast a sickly green shimmer here and there, glimpsed from the corner of his eye, like the illusion of the past half-a-year has finally begun to crumble.)

[howtoactfereldan]

A quiet sigh.

Whispered: "Can I help get him up? Without waking him?"

[bringspeopletogether]

"Not sure how," Alistair admits, no louder, as he looks down at Kieran. "If one of us can get him into one arm..."

It'd require an awful lot of jostling, though.

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen thinks a moment. Then, with a last squeeze of Alistair's hand, he lets go so he can pick up a folded fur draped over a nearby chair.

"Hold this." Still whispered. "I'll lift him; you stand, and provide the substitute."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair nods. Carefully, he accepts the fur; a little jostling ensues as they trade one pillow for another, allowing Alistair to get up, but Kieran only shifts a bit as if to get more comfortable.

Alistair glances to the ladder. It's a simple enough task, isn't it? It shouldn't feel like he's trying to figure out a chess move with a blindfold and thirty differently-colored pieces on the board -- and yet.

Hold it together.

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen looks up the ladder. Looks at Alistair.

Nods at the ladder, with a questioning look. Then nods at Kieran.

[bringspeopletogether]

Right. Yes.

(He can do this.)

Just as carefully, he gathers Kieran into his arms. Kieran's no heavier than a large pack; Alistair can balance him easily enough on one hip. The lad shifts again, with a small sigh, and winds his arms around Alistair's neck as if by instinct.

Alistair doesn't move for the ladder right away: he shuts his eyes again, takes the span of a few breaths to wrest his composure back into place.

Then, slowly, he begins his one-handed ascent to their quarters.

[howtoactfereldan]

Just in case, Cullen thinks, it'll be a good plan to stay at the foot of the ladder.

He folds his arms loosely, looking up, waiting.

(And hoping that they managed to get some kind of pallet put together so Cullen can get at least a few hours in his own bed.)

[bringspeopletogether]

Fortunately, they did. Once Alistair's crested the top -- and taken another second to ensure he won't topple over -- he shuffles to the stacked bedrolls laid alongside their bed. Kieran gets a pillow, and a fur tucked around him, before Alistair smooths a gentle hand over his hair and whispers a subaudible goodnight.

When he straightens up, he wobbles a little on his feet.

Good thing his own bed's right there.

[howtoactfereldan]

Once Alistair clears the top, Cullen comes up after, as swiftly and quietly as he can. While Alistair busies himself with Kieran, Cullen methodically removes the rest of his armor, piece by piece.

Only when he's down to linen shirt and trousers does he remove his boots. Then Cullen settles back against the headboard with a deep sigh.

It's always easier to keep going. Resting is dangerous. But even if they're on heightened alert -- there's no telling how long that state will take, one way or another. The trick is not to think too much.

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair pulls off his boots and joins Cullen at the headboard. One hand seeks out Cullen's; a moment later, he rests his head on his shoulder.

This is real, he reminds himself. You're as safe as is possible to be.

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen works his free arm around Alistair's shoulders.

For Alistair's ears only:

"We're prepared. Fortified. No news. At this point, that's good news. You can rest."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair shakes his head, just a little.

Mumbled: "Maybe in a bit."

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen nods.

(And doesn't say I might like to.)

[bringspeopletogether]

As if hearing Cullen's unspoken thoughts: "I'll keep watch if you want to sleep."

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen shakes his head a little. "Maybe in a while."

If things go badly --

He'd rather be awake and present right now. For a while. That's all.

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair cracks a lopsided smile, despite himself. "I'm very glad for the company, then."

He tightens his hold on Cullen's hand.

[howtoactfereldan]

"We're all right for now, Alistair."

Quiet, as he weaves their fingers together.

"Rest when you can."