[sandbox]

[bringspeopletogether]

Skyhold gets quieter and quieter as the days move on. It's not a complete stand-down; there's cleanup to do, stragglers to round up, the same sort of business Alistair remembers from the months after the Blight. The Thaw, as Wardens call it. Thedas is thawing again, but the fortress only grows colder for it.

He won't lie: he'd feel warmer if Kieran and Morrigan were still there.

When Cullen suggests a vacation, Alistair lights up, only to deflate slightly when he realizes they'll be "vacationing" in Orlais. There's business to attend in Val Royeaux -- not the sort of business that'll keep Cullen occupied from sunup to sundown, but enough to require an in-person visit for a week or so. On the one hand: Orlais. On the other: he can't argue that time away from Skyhold, especially in Cullen's company, will help.

...So will the cheese, probably.

(Look, as Alistair has said many a time, he is a very predictable man.)

They room at a small place in the university quarter that's downright plain for Val Royeaux. Libraries for Cullen, a cafe around the corner for both of them, limited contact with people trilling about whatever stupid, petty scandal's hit the court this week -- it could be far worse. Alistair takes to writing his letters at the cafe, usually accompanied by some flaky pastry or another.

Today, they're cheese-filled. It's hard to descend too far into a personal funk when you've got a cheese-filled pastry.

Comments

[bringspeopletogether]

And all at once, Alistair can't bear it anymore.

"We ought to talk." He says it to his tea. "Not now, if you'd -- rather not. But soon."

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen glances up before he moves.

Then, every movement deliberate, he puts down his pen, shuffles together his notes, stacks them on the treatise, and pushes it all aside.

Very quiet:

"All right."

[bringspeopletogether]

All right. Now it is, then.

Alistair glances up as Cullen gathers his things, then returns to staring at his tea.





"I should never have asked you to do that," he says at last, no louder. "Let alone demanded it. It was -- abhorrent of me. I can't apologize enough for it." He swallows. "For breaking your trust so terribly. I don't know what I can do to fix it, or even if I can. But..."

He shifts his grip on the mug.

"I want to try, if you'll let me."

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen folds his hands on the table.





"You never do anything out of malice." Thoughtful. "I've some idea of how vile Rainier's actions are from your perspective. And I don't care for the thought of that man destroying this -- this thing we've built. Not after everything else he's done."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair's shoulders slump.

He finally looks up; too overwhelmed to do much else, he nods.

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen, in contrast, is staring at the tabletop.

"I'm -- concerned -- that the next time duty takes precedence over your desires -- our desires --
we'll be here again. And there will be a next time. And a time after that."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair nods again.

Without the papers strewn over the kitchen table, there's room to sit: cautiously, he pulls out the chair across from Cullen's, sets down his tea.

"You're not wrong, that I've been selfish about that." Quiet. "More than I'd like. For a long time you were the only thing I knew for certain was real. I...got used to running to you for everything, rather than trusting myself. And I forget sometimes that I don't have to think like that anymore."

He splays a hand on the tabletop, as if proving its solidity.

With an unhappy smile, "That there's more that's real than you and me."

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen glances up briefly, then looks away.

"You know I have responsibilities, some of which lie heavy. It's -- it ought to be more than not minding that I have them."

[bringspeopletogether]

"You need more support from me."

It isn't a question.

[howtoactfereldan]

No, but it ought to be.

"I need you to be able to rely on yourself." A little steelier. "Not the same thing, Alistair."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair resists the urge to hunch inward.

(Cullen isn't saying anything Alistair doesn't already know, after all.)

"All right."

[howtoactfereldan]

"I think I'd like to return to Skyhold tomorrow."

[bringspeopletogether]

The cold, sick lump congeals in Alistair's stomach again. He closes his eyes.

Small: "By yourself?"

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen's head shoots up; he blinks.

"Not what I'd had in mind, but if you want to stay here..."

[bringspeopletogether]

"No." Swiftly. "Maker, no."

His relief shakes loose a wobbly huff of laughter.

"It's Orlais, who'd want to stay here?"

[howtoactfereldan]

"People who like cheese?" Only a little dry.

[bringspeopletogether]

He quirks a tiny smile.

"I can get cheese shipped to Skyhold."

[howtoactfereldan]

"Well." Back to the table. "I just thought... I don't think we'll gain anything by staying. Not as soon as you get your cheese ordered, anyhow."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair nods.

A little quieter, he says, "Whatever happens to Rainier's out of our hands. No use hanging about in a tiny house waiting for more news. The ravens will reach Skyhold just fine."

[howtoactfereldan]

"And if you don't like what happens to Rainier?"

[bringspeopletogether]

"Then I'll deal with it."

He said his piece to Lavellan, albeit with no delicacy whatsoever. There's nothing more to be done.

Alistair rubs a hand over his hair. Half-muttered to his tea, "Anyway, it's not as if I'm on speaking terms with Weisshaupt anyway."

[howtoactfereldan]

"You're not sharing an isolated fortress with Weisshaupt." Softly.

[bringspeopletogether]

"If Lavellan does decide to give him to the Wardens, then I won't be sharing that fortress with Rainier for long, either."

[howtoactfereldan]

"And Lavellan?"




"And me?"

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair sighs, very soft.

Carefully -- giving Cullen time to pull away if he so chooses -- he reaches for one of Cullen's hands.