[sandbox]

[bringspeopletogether]

No Orlesian nobles pounded down their door to demand their hound back, so when Alistair and Cullen left Halamshiral, the newly-dubbed Gruyere happily trotted alongside their horses.

A few weeks after -- which included some quiet conversation, a few orders placed with a few merchants, and almost an entire extra pack of gifts slung over one of their mounts -- Gru just as happily trotted along as they turned for South Reach.

Years of correspondence led Alistair to build an elaborate image of Cullen's family in his mind; Mia, perhaps, more fully realized than the others, but everyone with a name and a voice to match their letters. They're...not wholly inaccurate? But Mia's definitely shorter than he expected, and one or two of the children a little louder.

(Mia's voice, however, adopts exactly the pitch he imagined it would when Alistair brings up the whole I'm-your-brother-in-law-now thing.)

It's a nice place. Just the right kind of rambunctious, with all the kids running around; just the right kind of homey.

If only Cullen weren't -- well, reacting more or less precisely how Alistair worried he'd react to the reunion.

Comments

[howtoactfereldan]

"You can be both, Alistair," Cullen says, a little surprised. "Some is all right. A lot is... excessive. But if you're upset, or you need me -- say something. Please."

A quick, amused snort. "Don't tell me I convinced myself it was all right to take a break before I acted horribly for no good reason."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair huffs a faint laugh.

"Nothing of the sort," he promises, and gives Cullen a squeeze.

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen returns it with interest. "Good."

[bringspeopletogether]

He's -- calmer. Feeling a touch embarrassed, still, but nothing too terrible. Cullen won't leave; Cullen really does love him no matter what.

He's safe.

"And you're doing better?" he asks, soft.

[howtoactfereldan]

A beat before he answers.

"Better enough." Honestly.

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair nods. He curls his fingers in Cullen's shirt, absently.

Then he stretches to press a gentle kiss to Cullen's jaw.

"I love you."

[howtoactfereldan]

"I gathered," Cullen says, somber. "It's rather mutual."

[bringspeopletogether]

"Oh good." Equally solemn. "I was worried my constant pawing at you and kissing you didn't make it clear enough."

[howtoactfereldan]

"No, that just makes it clear you're only after one thing."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair snorts, amused.

"More than one thing, surely," he protests.

[howtoactfereldan]

"Based on the behavior you cited?" Smirking. "One thing and one thing alone, Theirin."

[bringspeopletogether]

He settles his head back against Cullen's chest, idly listening to his heartbeat.

"What would I have to do," he says, "to prove I'm after more than what's in your trousers?"

[howtoactfereldan]

"Where did you get the impression I don't like that?" he inquires.

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair tips his head up, raising an eyebrow.

"You do?"

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen shrugs, looking away, smile going a little more fragile. "More than the alternatives."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair's own smile dims.

Oh, Cullen.

Wordlessly, he presses closer, winding his arms more snugly around him.

[howtoactfereldan]

Which --

Helps.

A soft sigh. Cullen doesn't say anything.

[bringspeopletogether]

Quietly:

"When you say things like that, I worry you think I'm only using you for sex. I know we...play at it, sometimes, but I don't want you to think it's true. It's not."

A beat.

Alistair goes on, a little quicker, "We don't have to talk about it now, I just -- wanted to say that much. At least."

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen nods a little, against the top of Alistair's head.

"No, I -- I know that. I've never doubted that. It's just -- "

It helps that Cullen doesn't have to meet his eyes like this.

"You -- want it more than I do. More often than I do, I mean. The, the stories, the play -- it helps, I think, but you can't blame me for worrying I'm not enough for you."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair exhales an aching breath.

"I don't blame you," he murmurs. "But -- I hope you know that isn't true, either."

Thump, thump, goes Cullen's heart beneath his cheek.

"I'm so sorry I ever made you feel that way."

[howtoactfereldan]

"You didn't make me," Cullen mumbles. "I'm allowed to be worried about things on my own recognizance."

[bringspeopletogether]

The corner of Alistair's mouth quirks up.

"I suppose you're right," he agrees, no louder.

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen snorts, half-hearted, and doesn't reply.

[bringspeopletogether]

"I always worry I'm too much for you," says Alistair after a long moment.

(His turn to be glad they're not looking at each other.)

"So...we're sort of even there. Kind of."

[howtoactfereldan]

"You're not, you know."

He traces an absent line up and down Alistair's back.

"I know what's too much for me. When I need a moment... it's so I can control myself. It's because of what's wrong with me."