[sandbox]

[bringspeopletogether]

No Orlesian nobles pounded down their door to demand their hound back, so when Alistair and Cullen left Halamshiral, the newly-dubbed Gruyere happily trotted alongside their horses.

A few weeks after -- which included some quiet conversation, a few orders placed with a few merchants, and almost an entire extra pack of gifts slung over one of their mounts -- Gru just as happily trotted along as they turned for South Reach.

Years of correspondence led Alistair to build an elaborate image of Cullen's family in his mind; Mia, perhaps, more fully realized than the others, but everyone with a name and a voice to match their letters. They're...not wholly inaccurate? But Mia's definitely shorter than he expected, and one or two of the children a little louder.

(Mia's voice, however, adopts exactly the pitch he imagined it would when Alistair brings up the whole I'm-your-brother-in-law-now thing.)

It's a nice place. Just the right kind of rambunctious, with all the kids running around; just the right kind of homey.

If only Cullen weren't -- well, reacting more or less precisely how Alistair worried he'd react to the reunion.

Comments

[bringspeopletogether]

"I'm fine."

Just as quiet. No other words follow.

(That awful pit is opening beneath his breastbone again: the one that wants to beg don't leave me even when there's nothing to fear, the needy part of him he's tried so long to squash.)

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen... isn't convinced. But he's also not inclined to press Alistair on it.

Instead he kisses the back of Alistair's neck, and tightens his hold around him.

[bringspeopletogether]

The corners of his eyes tighten. He curls inward, a little, both arms covering Cullen's where it rests around his middle.

Alistair makes himself breathe.



"S'Gru all right?"

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen gives an affirmative mm.

"Sends his regards."

[bringspeopletogether]

"Good."





And then, smaller:

"You'll stay?"

[howtoactfereldan]

" -- of course." Surprised, and a little alarmed. "I just -- needed a moment. That's all. I always planned to come back. I wanted to."

[bringspeopletogether]

Of course.

His cheeks flush with embarrassment: you shouldn't have said anything. The fearful ache quiets, but the rising shame at giving into it chokes off anything Alistair might have said.

(Why now? Cullen needing a moment isn't new. He always comes back. Why did he react like this?)

He nods, silent, and wraps his arms more tightly over Cullen's.

[howtoactfereldan]

"You're my husband."

Softer. Alistair curled inward; Cullen curls around him now.

"That means something. It's a promise. I'll stay. Always. And if I have to step out for a moment, I come back to you as soon as I'm able."

[bringspeopletogether]

Another nod.

"I know," he whispers. "I'm sorry."

[howtoactfereldan]

"Don't apologize," he says gently. "Maker knows I need reminders frequently enough, don't I. It's all right."

[bringspeopletogether]

Even so --

Alistair lets go of Cullen, but only for the span of time it takes to roll over and attach himself to his husband again, face hidden against his chest.

(He's still red with shame.)

[howtoactfereldan]

"Shh." Cullen gathers him close -- even as he's more alarmed than ever. "Shh. I've got you, love. It's all right."

[bringspeopletogether]

"I know," he mumbles again, tightening his hold. "I'm fine. I'm fine."

He isn't reassuring Cullen so much as trying to reassure himself, there. Alistair takes a long breath in; releases it, slowly.

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen slowly rubs Alistair's back, like soothing a child. "You're safe," he says into his hair. "I've got you."

[bringspeopletogether]

Safe means Cullen doesn't think less of him for reacting this way. Safe means he has no reason to feel ashamed.

The heat recedes from his face; his eyes prickle, faintly, but stop within a few blinks. Another breath, quieter, and he tips his head enough to look up at Cullen.

[howtoactfereldan]

Who's smiling at him, but with a deep furrow of worry on his brow.

[bringspeopletogether]

"I'm all right."

Quiet, still, but steadier. He essays a tiny, crooked smile; there's not much humor to it.

"Just -- had a moment. Not sure why." He leans his head back on Cullen's chest. "Still damned annoying."

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen resumes rubbing Alistair's back.

Says, a little wry, "Been there. Yes."

[bringspeopletogether]

A rueful chuckle.

"Yes," he echoes, soft. "We're quite the pair, aren't we."

[howtoactfereldan]

"We have our moments," he says into Alistair's hair.

[bringspeopletogether]

His smile firms up; he lets his eyes drift closed.

"I'm glad you're here," he whispers. "I -- don't want to be needy, or selfish. But I'm so glad you're here."

[howtoactfereldan]

"You can be both, Alistair," Cullen says, a little surprised. "Some is all right. A lot is... excessive. But if you're upset, or you need me -- say something. Please."

A quick, amused snort. "Don't tell me I convinced myself it was all right to take a break before I acted horribly for no good reason."

[bringspeopletogether]

Alistair huffs a faint laugh.

"Nothing of the sort," he promises, and gives Cullen a squeeze.

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen returns it with interest. "Good."

[bringspeopletogether]

He's -- calmer. Feeling a touch embarrassed, still, but nothing too terrible. Cullen won't leave; Cullen really does love him no matter what.

He's safe.

"And you're doing better?" he asks, soft.